Learning to Dance in the Rain: Losing, Finding, and Reclaiming the Passion that Saved Me

Photo by The Ballerina Project UK.

Passion has a way of shaping us, guiding us, and sometimes, slipping from our grasp when we need it most. When I was invited to speak to a dance company for disabled artists, I knew I wanted to share more than just my journey—I wanted to speak to the resilience, the beauty, and the transformative power of movement.

In this speech, I reflect on my own experiences of losing, finding, and reclaiming the passion that once felt like a lifeline. It’s a story of struggle, of rediscovery, and of learning to dance, not despite the storm, but within it. Whether you’re a dancer, an artist, or simply someone searching for their way back to what they love, I hope these words resonate with you.

Here’s the speech I shared with them—may it inspire you to keep moving, even in the rain....

Have you ever found a passion that not only defines you but also saves you in your darkest hours? My name is Millie, and dance did exactly that for me.

Can you remember the first time you discovered something you truly loved? That moment when everything just clicked, and you knew this was what you were meant to do? For me, that moment came at the age of 14. Transitioning from gymnastics and cheerleading, I quickly realized that dance was what I wanted to dedicate my life to. After just one term of dance classes, I knew I had found my true calling. The way music moved my body, the joy of learning new techniques, and the community of dancers who shared my passion—it was all so exhilarating. I sought out the best dance school in the area and threw myself into my training with unwavering dedication, driven by a newfound sense of purpose.

After only two years of rigorous training, I ambitiously auditioned for Italia Conti Academy of Theatre Arts, one of the oldest and most prestigious dance conservatoires in the UK. At 16, I packed up my life, leaving behind my family and friends, and moved to London to begin my professional training. Over the next two years, I immersed myself in singing, dancing, and acting, and graduated with a DDD*, a wealth of experience, and a burning determination to thrive in the arts.

However, my journey was far from simple. During my final year at Italia Conti, I began experiencing severe stomach aches and body pains. As dancers, we are taught that pain is progress, so I pushed through, thinking it was normal. But I soon realized that something was seriously wrong. The pain was relentless, and my body began to feel like it was betraying me.

In 2018, I decided to continue full-time training at London Studio Centre, another renowned conservatoire. In my first year, my health took a drastic decline, ending ballet lessons in the resus department at A&E as my body couldn’t handle the stress. Despite my love for dance, I struggled to continue training as I faced constant hospital admissions and major surgeries and my dreams seemed to crumble before my eyes.

At 18 years old, I had appendicitis, resulting in surgery to have my appendix removed, as well as suffering from multiple problems within my gastrointestinal tract. Then at 19, I had multiple tumours found in and around my spleen resulting in an emergency operation to remove the whole organ, followed by weeks in intensive care due to post-op complications. 20 was the year of gastritis, diverticulitis, multiple bouts of pneumonia and my diagnosis of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I had my first feeding tube placed aged 21 due to severe malnutrition, which we now know is caused by gastroparesis (paralysed stomach) as well as intestinal failure, too which I suffer greatly from every single day. My latest diagnosis was autonomic dysfunction, which means my automimic system is unable to regulate itself, causing fainting, dizziness, temperature dysregulation and heart palpitations among many others. Under this diagnosis came Postural orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome and orthostatic hypotension. So, my day-to-day life now consists of sickness, chronic pain, suffering the effects of having no immune system and long-term malnutrition, connected to pumps 22 hours a day and administering medication up to every two hours.

I’ve had countless surgeries and many prolonged hospital stays lasting as long as 127 days at a time. I’ve lost track of the number of nasal jejunal feeding tubes, nasogastric drainage tubes, surgically placed jejunostomy tubes, and central/mid lines I’ve endured. I haven't seen my face without a tube in nearly two years.

Despite these overwhelming challenges, I refused to accept a "new normal." I spent hours searching for ways to "fix" myself, until I was told that my conditions were incurable. I danced every single day like it was my last, holding on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, I could find a way back to the life I loved. The realisation that I might never dance again was devastating. Dance had always been my sanctuary, a place where I found peace, joy, and a sense of identity. Losing it felt like losing a part of myself.

At the beginning of this year, after everything I had been and continue to endure, I began my quest to fall in love with dance all over again, in a way that worked for me and my new body. This is where I found Parable Dance and was awarded a full scholarship onto their Inclusive Dance mentorship. This opportunity opened a whole new world of inclusive dance and gave me the confidence I needed. It was a revelation to discover that dance could still be a part of my life, even if it looked different from before. Three months ago, I attended my first dance class in two years and haven’t looked back since.

I now take regular ballet, tap, and jazz classes on days when my body allows. I’m actively seeking opportunities to hold inclusive dance workshops and classes, and I am on the hunt for inclusive dance companies to join. Despite the physical limitations and medical tubes, I feel extremely fortunate to have rekindled my love for dance. I know it will always be there for me, even when I can’t actively participate.

Dance has taught me resilience, perseverance, and the importance of following your passion, no matter the obstacles. My journey has been filled with highs and lows, triumphs and setbacks, but through it all, dance has been my constant companion, my source of strength and hope. For instance, there were days when the pain was so intense that even getting out of bed felt impossible. Yet, I would drag myself to the dance studio, even if it was just to watch. Being in that environment, surrounded by music and movement, reminded me of my purpose and gave me the strength to keep fighting. Dance taught me that no matter how difficult things get, there is always a way to move forward, even if it’s just one step at a time.

Not only has dance given me the strength to stand back up, but it has also empowered me to help others, leading me into the world of advocacy and support. I have now found a great passion for making a difference in the lives of those facing ill health. I’m an area coordinator for Ehlers-Danlos Support UK, where I hold regular support groups, offer one-on-one support, organize and participate in various projects, and work tirelessly to raise awareness. Additionally, I am a member of the Ehlers-Danlos Society, an international nonprofit organization dedicated to patient support, scientific research, advocacy, and increasing awareness of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. As a member of their Global Affiliate Programme, I work to enhance awareness and improve patient care worldwide.

Writing about my journey to inspire others is another passion of mine. I have published two articles: one for Ehlers-Danlos Support UK about my role as a volunteer area coordinator, and another for the Ehlers-Danlos Society, sharing my personal story.

Furthermore, I volunteer with Pets as Therapy alongside my wonderful companion, a cream long-haired miniature dachshund called Ralph. During one of my most challenging hospital stays, a therapy dog visited the wards every two weeks, providing the only glimmer of light in an otherwise dark period. I was so inspired by these visits that I promised myself that if I made it through, I would get a pup of my own to spread the same joy I experienced during those difficult times. In November last year, I brought Ralph home, who turned out to be everything I had hoped for and more. At just eight months old, Ralph became one of the youngest therapy dogs, and we haven't looked back since. Together, we bring heartwarming smiles and comforting puppy cuddles to those in hospitals, hospices, special education schools, care homes, and universities.

I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve grieved, and I’ve found myself all over again. I’ve learned that life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain. I’ve come to understand that true strength isn’t about how much you can handle before you break, but about how much you can endure after you’ve been broken.

My story is a testament to the power of passion and the unbreakable spirit within us all. It’s a reminder that no matter how dark the night, the dawn will always come. And when it does, we must be ready to rise, to dance, and to embrace the light. Have you ever found that inner strength that you didn't know you had until you needed it most?

If I had one piece of advice to give you, it would be to never give up. If you truly love something, it will always find its way back to you if you look hard enough. Because when you find what you love, it will guide you through even the darkest times. So embrace your passions, cherish your dreams, and never let go of hope.

Thank you.

Millie's latest shoot with the Ballerina Project UK.